About Sex and GHB and ecstasy … and dependency
Question: ” Dear Hans,
My problem is that I have difficulty letting go of my “inhibitions”. Because of this I’m hardly ever excited, I’ve never came and I almost never really want sex. But there was one time where it’s been different: when I was using XTC. After the pill hit me I knew exactly what I wanted in terms of sex and I even showed that to my friend. I know it’s not the right way: using drugs regularly for sex, but I long for that feeling again.
Can you tell me how I can experiment with GHB and/or XTC? And whether this can help me with the inhibitions which I have and/or the control-issues that I can not let go?”
Answer: Dear E, I guess you would not really like to experiment with GHB much. GHB is a drug that’s more tricky than we thought for quite a while. Even though Ecstasy for many people is a drug that does make you horny but nevertheless for many people it seems harder to climax with XTC in your brain, still it seems to me the better one of those two to experiment with.
What really matters is that you have the courage to say that it’s your own inhibitions that stop you. Do not misunderstand me, I do not say this in a belittling tone of voice! I think it’s awfully brave you want to own your problem and you noticed that XTC did something with your way of thinking, that it helped you to lift some things that prevent you to experience things you want to.
No, I wouldn’t advise you to drop a pill every time you would want to make love, I would advise you to think about it how you think with a bit of XTC in your brain, how did your body react, what you were doing with it in your head… and because you were focussed on those things: where you not focus on, and how did that help you to enjoy your sex. How was it to be sexual and to be someone who enjoys exactly that?
Learning from using
Think again about the things you did with that pill in your brain, how you took on the reins and displayed your wishes about the tempo and direction. What were you doing then. And how was it to do so?
Think about how your body was different, the muscles in your pelvis were relaxing or which muscles were tightened in your pelvic floor. How were you breathing differently when your pill was kicking in?
These are all things that you may learn from XTC. It’s not the pill that does it, you did that with the help of a pill. And now you’re going to learn to do it yourself…
You can practice these things, even if you are not on XTC and then it was good that you have dropped a pill once or twice.
But if you have to drop a pill to have sex then it is the pill that does it. Then tolerance will make those pills less and less effective and it is becoming increasingly difficult to experience the effect and experience sexual fun. Then you are actually farther from home: you have found something that helped and now further on that road the goal is even further away. But if you turn around and you say: I myself want to learn something from me and I’m going to do so without pills, then you have affected your thinking, it’s you that affected the distribution of tension and relaxation in your body, then you are the one who controls your attention, it’s you that allows you to grab the reins and tell your friend what he can only can be told by you.
Then you do not depend on ecstasy to sex, then you learn sexes from your ecstasy experience!
is not the right way?
So you say, “I know it’s not the right way” … Hm, I do not know if it was so bad?
I actually think it “is not the right way” as you continue to not enjoy your own sexuality (and it do not let your friend also enjoy it-). If that would require a an occasional(!) repeated lesson with an ecstasy pill … well …
If you’ve bought good XTC (try to check it) and you if you don’t overuse (a quarter can really be more than enough to make you feel any different about sex -with some more orgasmic chances-)… just look at the studies on the toxicity of drugs: alcohol is actually more harmful and addictive than ecstasy.
This is also an opportunity to think differently about your inhibitions. That might make it easier to let go. But … as I said, better try XTC if you’d like to do it chemically, rather than GHB. XTC is more a mind-expander. GHB is more -like alcohol- a “downer”. It’s harder to learn from downers because the brain, after taking a downer, is less active and thus less alert and therefore less willing to learn new things. Thus, you often see that the downers keep you more dependent.
alternatives are there to be found
Maybe it’s a good idea to professionally give me (Skype)call? Possibly together with your partner? Just to look where lessons can be learned from yourself without XTC.
… if you want to talk (anonymous) over a cup of tea or coffee? …you can
If you have something you’d want to let me know or ask: