Remember to embrace the FLUFF (an acronym when talking about sexual whishes)

General Sexuality

Question:

KinkAwareCoach_SexTalkI am kinda afraid to talk to my lover about the kinky things I find hot. How do I start that conversation about my fetishes? Any ideas?

a question I got on FetBuzz*

Answer:
Embrace the F.L.U.F.F.!… And don’t even try to do this without blushing. It will be awkward and the golden rule in these situations is:

Embrace your awkwardness!

That is hard (believe me, I know!), but with practice comes virtue. And of course that doesn’t do you much good if you haven’t got that virtue yet… But dare to hope! Go for it! (your seventy year old self will hate you for not trying it!)
Remember: it might even be one of the most liberating things you ever did for yourself.


FLUFF is the Answer

In the Sex is Fun Podcast #358 – Communication* Laura, Rick, and Coochie (@SexIsFunPodcast) propose the acronym “F.L.U.F.F.” that nicely covers it (with a small alteration on the first “F” on my behalf) 😉

  • Forward: Be forward and as open as you dare about what it is that you’d want in your life. Or if you are new to the scene and if you don’t understand something: ask a question!
    Yes, it will be a bit awkward… but masked speach will most likely be even more awkward!
  • Light-hearted: Don’t make it ‘heavy’… If somebody is not into the things you are into, do not take it so personal. It’s just a sexual preference. Like yours…
    It’s not a disease, it’s a fetish!
  • Unassuming: If you talk about your fetish make sure it is unassuming. For if you ask somebody something you might not get a “yes” for an answer. So if you ask something you might get a “no”, even a firm “NO!”. So be prepared to continue a friendly conversation whether the answer is either “oooh yeah baby, I thought you’d never ask” or “iiiieeeewww, what f#©k are you telling me now?!”
    Do you have other information at hand if people are interested (safety, resources, limits). Did you prepare the social skills to be able to talk about other things like “And what do you think is hot if that ‘d happen to you?”
  • Friendly: keep it friendly, be nice, be a pal and help someone to be a better version of her-/him-self. Even tho it is about sexuality, don’t let it all be around your sexuality. How would you support a persons kink if it weren’t yours?
  • Fun: Keep it fun!
    Dare to laugh about yourself, dare to laugh about the whole situation. Keep it sexy and funny and dare to make even fun of yourself.
    When you are smiling you are way more attractive than being afraid or stern (uhmmm… perhaps barring a few BDSM-kinksters here) 😉

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