11/10 – a closet is no place to live!


Out of the Closet?

Getting out of the closet requires courage… every time again
Not rarely, people, with or without a relationship, have trouble finding out their “other than usual sexuality.” And to me, that seems only logical in a society that is so closed-minded to its own sexuality that everything different is immediately being condemned.
I help people find their own level of opening up.

The misunderstandings you experience in society

To every teenager who finds out that it is difficult to be yourself… It gets better! If you have not found a group of friends yet that are alike if you haven’t researched the ways to interact and you feel that you’re the only one… you are NOT… and it gets better.

Although research shows that BDSM lovers are on average a bit “normal” than the national average, people still find BDSM ‘sick’. Although polyamorous relationships appear to be less geared toward “consuming” than the relationship of the average Joe, the social consensus is still that polyamory is mainly about “having sex with many people”. Although swingers appear to be safer than the national monogamous average, they still stand as “dirty” (and I do not know about any decent body hygiene research, but me personally I am sure that the average swinger at a party smells better than the average guy visiting a bar).

It’s not always easy to be different …

We like to hear something like people. But if you notice that the people you thought of were so condemnatory about something like your sexuality or gender, then you notice that sometimes you should be looking for other people. Going to a new peer group, a new queer family maybe. Then you might feel that a coach might come in handy. Someone who can coach you a bit through this process so that you can do it without unnecessary damage. Then you notice the things you might need to give your other sexuality a good place in your life.

The closet has a revolving door

Especially it is a hard conversation to get out of your closet for the first time. But that is, of course, different for all of us. And the bad news is, there are several closets in a life. In fact, one closet is not the other one. Of course, there is the “closet” of your own head. At one point you see something, you hear something, you read something and you notice “This has something special for me…. I really want to go there” But then something else happens. You hear the jokes about “your thing”, she sees the resistance to it. And you are matching yourself. Some people resist years against their kick/kink. Some people make their nature/ their kink/ their kick ridiculous when they get in touch for the first time because they scare their teeth. You see the fear of the people you love for being “different”. You’ll see what might happen when you get out of the closet. You can see who you may hurt. Take Christopher Plummer who came out of the closet after his wife’s death. You’ll find people around you who are so and you’ll come out once again. It turns out that you also have acorns between yourself and the disappointment makes you pull yourself back in your closet. Some people decide to stay in the closet for years. Until they still dare to be self-sufficient.
… it’s a choice that’s end to everybody’s self. Of course, that will cost you years (something that you might appreciate later in later years), but there may also be a profit. The choice is yours. But it does help if there are people who want to think about it with you.

Getting out of the closet requires courage every time. But it’s getting easier along the way

About Hans

I help people in self-examination and other ways to see and look at yourself and your relationship with any partner / other. We will look at how it would be different, how to find the free space to place your good place in your life, other than usual sexuality. Maybe in the future with your current, or with another partner, in a closed or in an open relationship.
Being it IRL or by Skype, I can help you to reflect and choose your way around in these issues without condemnation, to get a grip on things.

Hans ( Kink Aware Coach .com )

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Published by KinkindeRelatie

A Kink Aware and openminded (relationship) coach. That does not mean you have to talk about kink, but at least here you don't have to be silent about it.

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