Question: A real dominant doesn’t fuck on first dates, right?


Some dude is messaging me about meeting me and wanting to get laid. I told him a real dominant doesn’t jump right into bed with someone first meet. Now he’s complaining it’s a bit of a train journey “just for a drink”. Is this in my head or am I right?
oh… first… I really do think your “a real dominant does… (or does not)” is a bit of a misconception.

(BDSM) dating

Truth is: there are as many dominants as there are ways to submit. Often I have seen the people calling themselves “real dominants” to be a real fake (without even knowing it them selves). To me, it is actually a bit of a red flag in my kinky friendships.

The reality is, some Dom(me)s will fuck right away and some don’t. The only thing that really matters is what kind of dominance you want for yourself? That is the only thing that is really interesting in the way you like dominance played out in your life. So search your Dom(me)s accordingly!

In my eyes, the only thing that is valid in situations like these, are sentences like “in MY book dominants are willing to invest in BDSM-play to have an interesting play/session/time” (or something like that in your own words).
…and “to create an interesting play that always takes a talk (at the very least) as equals(!) about the places we can go together

That having said, me personally, I have often fucked on first dates. But only after being asked … and asked with zest, please …or I am not interested!
This is a world where we are allowing ourselves to make our own definitions. 🙂 Don’t let’em take that away from you.

…or not!

If somebody is not really interested in investing in the relationship, his relationships will be uninteresting (both in- or outside a BDSM-context).
If someone (as we say in Holland) wants to “sit front row and only wants to pay a dime”, he basically is a cheap shit and will only see uninteresting plays in the theater of his life. Why would you want to hang out with people like that (again: in or outside BDSM)?

Of course, there are people who will only tease and not please. So I could appreciate the boldness with which he states his wishes. But this doesn’t seem to be the case here with you, now does it?
So should you really continue investing any energy into people that will not create anything interesting in your life…
I’d think not!
(unless of course he has this great bod and you do feel like a cheap fuck -nothing wrong with that-. but again that does not seem to be the situation here, now does it?).

Pick your Dominant

Pick your Dom(me). I know it takes time and experience (so learn from mistakes). But if you make your self cheap (and this is coming from someone who enjoys apparent cheapness) you will make yourself cheap in layars that are underlying your (BDSM-)relationships.
If you like to be cheap, sell it on the outside, not inside.

So if you like your BDSM-sessions to be more than that, do him the courtesy of telling him that his way of BDSM-play is not interesting to you… So you won’t be interested in further contact.
And then of course -knowing his kind- he will be reacting with something like “you don’t know what you’re missing”, where he really shows his colors… (and waves his red flag accordingly)…
Sooo [BLOCK] these dudes then, warn your girlfriends against him and be happy you didn’t give him your private address yet… (I hope).
The way I see it?
Have fun! …with someone else.

Wanda Woodward says it right in Crybaby:

Beat it, Creep!
“Beat it, Creep!”

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Published by KinkindeRelatie

A Kink Aware and openminded (relationship) coach. That does not mean you have to talk about kink, but at least here you don't have to be silent about it.

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