What do those beginning subbies think when they enter the scene and deliver themselves hands tied, with health and heart and soul to this Dom(me) they really know nothing about.
Actually, they don’t…
Subfrenzy is sooo sexy. It is so cute to look at and it’s so devastating, sometimes.
Subfrenzy is the frenzy on which new subbies dive into the hands of un-checked men and women, dive headfirst into the experience of sex with BDSM and want to check off everything that can be done in BDSM in a month (which does make a really busy month -without much processing time-)
Of course, this also has to do with the slingshot-principle. Whilst you are in the reality of your closet, there is nothing to do but fapping and fantasizing and fapping and fantasss…
Your wet dreams will want new kicks (remember: “dopamine wants novelty”) and the fantasy grows, unhindered by reality or limits. So there’ll be a lot of tension on the slingshot of your hunger for real-life experience once you open the door of your closet for the first time.
So much in love
I sometimes hypothesize that subfrenzy is a form of being “in love”. And being “in love” is a special mindset with special brain chemicals and a special way of relating to reality.
Jokingly I often say “being in love” is it a form of a (Bitter) Sweet Minipsychosis…
A psychosis-diagnosis is soon constituted by seeing things that aren’t there and not seeing things that actually are there.
If you see people delivering themselves without any hesitation or second thought to people that they not always know their real name, get in the car alone with total strangers, give up the ability to use safe-words because I really that this person is so totally trustable… The only reasonable explanation could be that this submissive person sees things that in reality are not there (aaaalll those wonderful and caring aspects of this new Dom(me) -no credentials asked-) and this new subbie really does not see the possible negative aspects that are actually blatantly overt and in-yo-face… Red flags waving all around the castle (actually just a house… “but it has a dungeon!”)
Bystanders are not shocked that after the being-in-love-phase comes the common Reality Check… and that sometimes is a rough touchdown if you flew high.
Of course, you want to do ’em, you to hand yourself over, fully and completely. And with absolute power comes easy corruption. You have to be a really strong person not to abuse an attractive person that hands over all responsibility and power.
Just as much, that you’ll never consider divorce when you fall in love hard.
But who is that domina(nt) really? (Oh, damn… this is sooo unsexy. No beginner is wanting to read about this.)
But the truth is, that you just found out this world. You don’t know the parameters yet and you might be setting yourself up for heartache and hurt, even for closing the doors on a world you have waited a lifetime for to enter.
Compare it to any other hobby. You’d inform yourself about the do’s and don’ts and you would not accept sex from the first sleazy coach you’d meet. “I’ll show you how to play this game…”
No, you’d want to hear from other kids on the block that have played this ball-field and you’d want to hear where you’d be best off. You’d want to know which coach would teach you your game best.
A post that is appreciated best afterward
And I have lived my Dom-frenzy… I know that a post about Sub-frenzy will be appreciated best afterward. “Oh man, I should’ve known this before!”
So I know it will be not that useful to write this post and advising you to go to a munch and befriend another sub and talk about your feelings and about clever ways to start our journey.
And even tho I give tips on my sites: DON’T BELIEVE THE INTERWEBZ!
Learn to apply your brakes before you hit the throttle.
I know, I know… soooo unsexy to talk with someone who reminds you to apply the brakes and think some things through. But still, you will think it is a good idea.
And of course you’ll still make mistakes (we all do) but they’ll be less devastating. In BDSM there are really the same percentages of people as outside the scene. Some are ass-holes and some are really really great personas… and there’s a lot in between.
So take some time in considering and find someone with some patience and respect, expecting you to take your time submitting. All good things come slowly…
Have fun and love hard
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