Female sex and the duality within BDSM

Sexuality/BDSM

Why BDSM?
In a society where on the one hand we try to sell everything with sex and on the other hand, we try to deny our sexuality, especially the female sexuality, it is not really surprising that reading material such as “fifty shades” gets so popular so suddenly. Materialism (real Dominants have their own private helicopters, right?) combined with romantics (I will ditch my most fulfilling fantasy for your love) and most importantly sizzling hot sex!
Because fi-nal-ly there is a man who knows what he wants and knows how to take it… while respecting me for what I am when I give it.

How To BDSM

BDSM is an acronym giving the different axes within this ‘graduate school’ in sex:
Bondage
Discipline
Dominance/ submission
Sado-Masochism

In a society where on the one hand we try to sell everything with sex and on the other hand, we try to deny our sexuality, especially the female sexuality, it is not really surprising that reading material such as “fifty shades” gets so popular so suddenly. Materialism (real Dominants have their own private helicopters, right?) combined with romantics (I will ditch my most fulfilling fantasy for your true love) and most importantly: sizzling hot sex!
Because fi-nal-ly there is a man who knows what he wants and knows how to take it… while respecting me for what I am.

And there -no matter how flimsy the rest of the story is -, there we touch upon an issue that both men and women crave. There we touch upon reasons why BDSM might be so sought after, these days. We give our self -and our sex-partner- room to live our sexual fantasies while we still can respect the woman in the mirror.
Women understood it before men. Of course they did, they’ve denied their sexuality for centuries in order to be safe in human society. Men still do not get it. A lot of men still think that BDSM is just a simple shortcut to get yourself to lots of sex.

Hot sex!

And mind you, that could be true if you understand the process of respecting the gifts you are getting. But for most men who’re just looking for an easy fuck it is really not.
For submissive women don’t want “an easy fuck”. They want orgasm-torture: cumming till you really can not anymore… and then some. Women have had their 5-minute-and-then-jizz fucks for centuries. While women know for centuries their orgasmic arc will take 20 minutes at least.

And that is where BDSM is so appealing: we take time.

BDSM is…

And whether it bondage (immobilizing your partner to have sex), whether it is fetish (dressing UP for sex instead of dressing down for sex), whether it is discipline (getting clear chores from your partner, so you do not have to think whether you are doing things right… as long as you do what you are told -if you do it with a bit of a sexy look- you can expect to be doing it right -or else he should’ve given you clearer instructions), whether it is Dominance-submission (uplifting him to the god you’d like him to be, or let yourself be put down and be used for the fun he is looking for), whether it is sadomasochism: playing with strong stimuli (hot things, cold things, a bit of pain from bare hand spanking, or the whips that look mean -but that are really not that nasty-)

It is all foreplay, time to heat up the furnace. Time to get yourself ‘into’ it and time to align both parties for hot sex.

And the most beautiful part of BDSM is that -afterwards- you are equal again. Afterwards there will be cuddles and closeness in BDSM. Afterwards, there will be an appreciation for the gift you’ve given him… IF he is smart enough to take some courses in BDSM and educate himself to get what he wants. IF he is clever enough to respect what you’ve given him, so you’ll want to give it again… and again.

if you’d like to explore more? Let me know!..

Hans


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Published by KinkindeRelatie

A Kink Aware and openminded (relationship) coach. That does not mean you have to talk about kink, but at least here you don't have to be silent about it.

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