Blog

I’d like to talk personally …

Shizzle

Question:
I’d like to sit down and talk about my shizzle personally with someone knowledgeable and experienced.
Answer:
You can… 🙂

Read on: Continue reading I’d like to talk personally …

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The “BDSM is therapeutic”-discussion

BDSM/Kink

Question:


Do you think that bdsm can help through difficult emotional times in your life? How can it help me emotionally?
Answer:
Questions like this always spark the discussion “is BDSM therapeutic?” and “Could there be BDSM-therapy?”
Even tho a lot of laymen would want to stand in the shadow of good old Freud, my answer is always rather pragmatic
Continue reading The “BDSM is therapeutic”-discussion

Question: A real dominant doesn’t fuck on first dates, right?

BDSM/Dating

Question:
Some dude is messaging me about meeting me and wanting to get laid. I told him a real dominant doesn’t jump right into bed with someone first meet. Now he’s complaining it’s a bit of a train journey “just for a drink”. Is this in my head or am I right?
Answer:
oh… first… I really do think your “a real dominant does… (or does not)” is a bit of a misconception. Continue reading Question: A real dominant doesn’t fuck on first dates, right?

How to get your Self out of the Binge-and-Purge Cycle?

General

http://sarahhaney.comQuestion:
How can I get myself out of this binging purging cycle where I indulge in my fetish and have a blast. But during my purging, I really reject this side of my personality and throw away all of my gear. How can I prevent the purges or the binging?

Answer:
Binging and Purging a nasty cycle that seems to continue forever (and often downhill). There is a lot of writing about this in bulimia nervosa-literature but you also can notice this cycle in drug-dependence and -addiction and I also have often seen it in the lives of people trying to integrate kink into their life.
Continue reading How to get your Self out of the Binge-and-Purge Cycle?

Why? (am i Kinky)

Sexuality

Question:
Why am I a kinkster? Why have I developed this kink?Why do I like ageplay, do I like to be hit, do like to hit?.. What happened in my life that I love more than one, that I love latex, leather, diapers, different sex?
Answer:
It is a question often posed by kinkster – especially in the beginning of their self-acceptance).
Continue reading Why? (am i Kinky)

a free online Conference call about BDSM, Kink, alternative lifestyles

Sunday, March 11, 2018

  • 11am Pacific Time
  • 2pm Eastern Time
  • 7pm Greenwich Time
  • 8pm Central European

We’ll have
We’d like you to join us for one hour of live Q&A with the boldpleasures team. For newcomers and those of you who are curious about BDSM, kink and alternative relationships.

Register at https://boldpleasures.com/ask-us-anything-live/

Your Hosts this time:
Hans: Your’s truly. He is a certified physiotherapist, psychotherapist, relationship coach and long-standing kink educator with over a quarter of a century of experience in the mental health sector and almost 40 years in BDSM

Sonja: is a co-founder of boldpleasures. She’s on a mission to remove the stigma surrounding kink. Sonja talks about first steps and how to combine kink and family life as a working submissive.

Dominatrix ‘Lost and Found’


At Dominatrix Party Hans will host the “lost and found” area 😉

by offering you

“Tea with a therapist”.

individual or relationships (2, 3 or 4 people)

Continue reading Dominatrix ‘Lost and Found’

The #MeToo and #BalanceTonCochon hashtags and what we can learn from kinky men

following the #MeToo hashtag
Alyssa Milano
Alyssa Milano

Alyssa Milano’s #MeToo action shows how many women have experienced sexual transgressions in their life. And no, that’s not just a little whistling on the street. And no, that’s not innocent because that insecurity does things with a mind.
If we dare to look, we’ll see that it is normal that more women have experienced this than not … what does that mean to the women with which we live together? What does it mean for their courage to be sexually daring in this society? Their freedom to enjoy sex…And what does this all mean to us as men? What can we learn from the men who embraced kinky sex?
Continue reading The #MeToo and #BalanceTonCochon hashtags and what we can learn from kinky men

11/10 – a closet is no place to live!

General

Out of the Closet?

Getting out of the closet requires courage… every time again
Not rarely, people, with or without a relationship, have trouble finding out their “other than usual sexuality.” And to me, that seems only logical in a society that is so closed-minded to its own sexuality that everything different is immediately being condemned.
I help people find their own level of opening up. Continue reading 11/10 – a closet is no place to live!

An essay on Breast Safety

Sex (hard)/BDSM

Question:

S asks: I do like to be treated roughly during sex and my friend and I are really into BDSM. He likes to sometimes hit my breasts and I do enjoy that very much. But it sometimes worries me, Breasts are rather tender, aren’t they?
Should I be worried?
Answer:
“Nos” or “Yo”… 😉 both yes and no… It is true that breasts are of relatively tender material. And you can certainly destroy tissues if you handle ’em to rough. That goes for buttocks, that goes for legs and shoulders and that also goes for breasts. And it seems that repeated pointy mini-trauma (underwires of bra’s that are too small poking in the side of your breast) and does a long duration of pressure creating tissue hypoxia (push-up bras) seem to tend to up the chances of tissue proliferation a little. On the other hand, if we take a closer look at the harsh things babies do, then breast seem to be made to take a pounding. Continue reading An essay on Breast Safety

The power of the submissive, the need of the Dom(me)

BDSM

Question:

Hans, how come that i can feel so strong after I have been submitting myself to my Dom? I don’t understand the dynamic between me, a victim of his Lust. So why do I feel strong instead of weak? What is my strength as a victim?
Answer:
‘Victims’ actually have a lot of power. Just watch the TV. Nowadays the ‘victim’ actually has a lot of power in the media. A lot of discussions on fetlife are about people who got victimised in a BDSM-relationship. And that raises shit-storms, sometimes without knowing what really happened. It happens, for shure (and don’t let that happen to you). And Dom(me)s get abused too, or depleted of energy. And often the one presenting like a victim gets the most attention… Often correct… sometimes it’s just the power of a victim.
Continue reading The power of the submissive, the need of the Dom(me)