0penminded and sexpositive urban living
Yes, I would advice anyone that is into a bit of heavier play to have a redcross (or lighter version) of first aid knowledge. No really, how hard is that and it could save lives.
Also you could (next to this lighthearted version) have a serious look at a home-family First Aid-kit
Now what could ( I am not saying “should” ’cause I know your allergic reactions to that word) be in your private Kit?Continue reading “What’s in my oh so Domly first Aid kit? (apart from chocolate)”
I am kinda afraid to talk to my lover about the kinky things I find hot. How do I start that conversation about my fetishes? Any ideas?
a question I got on FetBuzz*
Answer:
Embrace the F.L.U.F.F.!… And don’t even try to do this without blushing. It will be awkward and the golden rule in these situations is:
Embrace your awkwardness!
That is hard (believe me, I know!), but with practice comes virtue. And of course that doesn’t do you much good if you haven’t got that virtue yet… But dare to hope! Go for it! (your seventy year old self will hate you for not trying it!)
Remember: it might even be one of the most liberating things you ever did for yourself.
Continue reading “Remember to embrace the FLUFF (an acronym when talking about sexual whishes)”
I have a fetish for diapers and I don not mean to stop liking that stuff, what I experience as a problem is the urge to pleasure myself when I see or think about a diaper. I want my abdl life to be pure, like that of a child’s. Not masturbating fives times a day which leads me into self hate and depression. I want to have the cute cuddly stuff for regression values, not because it makes me feel horny. I start fantasize about my close friends that don’t even know that ABDLs exist. When I see them I remember what I fantasized about them which leads to uncomfortable feelings. Can you help me to stop being such a pervert?Continue reading “You have any sex – addiction tips? #ABDL”
I offer private meetings (Amsterdam based), phone-calls, skyping & hangouts, emails, workshops, chemsex-informed groups and (un)conferences.
When you’re in the the area we can meet for a talk in my praxis.
-individual talks that last up to 75 minutes:
€95,= / 75mins.
-Relationship Coaching with 2, 3 or 4 people:
€115,= / 75mins.
Sometimes distance or travel-expenses are a reason to talk online rather than IRL. And Zoom is always a possibility.
Same as IRL
Some people don’t like face-to-face so calling by foon or whatsapp is a possibility too.
€30,= / 30 mins. – €60,= / 60 mins.
Of course, reading and writing both take time but some people just like writing better than talking. And a quick whatsapp here-and-there can give a lot of direction (please remember that I do have a life and therefore not always will be able to answer within a few hours)
€30,= / 30 mins.
Chemsex Choice Management is an online group for gays and kinksters into ‘chems’ to crank up their sex. All fun and games 😉 until the chems are starting to get in the way. It’s about your choices: information and worksheets for people trying to integrate their (kinky) sex and their chemsex wants and needs.
Pay what it’s worth to you
I’ve organized both generic and private workshops for both laymen and professionals (learning to be more Kink Aware Professional). Both online workshops and IRL workshops
Prices may differ
We’ve organized several unconferences now and they’ve always done the trick in motivating people to take an active stance toward informing ones self.
Prices may differ
For a gay guy, if you are not gonna be ‘the stud’, you might as well be the freak!
Patrick Moore (talking about about andy Warholl)
Dragqueens have taught us this: You are not gonna to beat me up because I’m gonna dress up! I am going to create this image that is so powerful that you just can’t get to me.
Question: My boyfriend said that she was happy for me that I can experiment with my submissive feelings. We tried and he’s not into BDSM and we agreed that I am allowed to “find my master”… no limits… He says he is fine with that and I really really want to believe him, but it is almost unbelievable to me!
Answer: Now that is what we call “Compersion” (a.k.a. “Frubble”) and it is a scary feeling if you haven’t experienced it much in your life. Compersive feelings are positive loving feelings one can feel towards a partner (and perhaps even toward the “partner’s partner”)Continue reading “My boyfriend lets me date another… #panic!”
Eric la Servante (fetlife.com/users/5817088) writes in reaction to KinkAware.Info-Ballbusting:
Since my first contact with BDSM I like to serve Ladies who take pleasure to hurt my balls. This happens mostly by ballbusting. My first Lady (2005-2010) was cautious. She gave me ballbusting only as punishment. For my next Lady (2007-2010) and my current mistress (since 2014) ballbusting is a mix of humiliation/punishment/sadism.Continue reading “Ballbusting and Orgasm”
Question: ” Dear Hans,
My problem is that I have difficulty letting go of my “inhibitions”. Because of this I’m hardly ever excited, I’ve never came and I almost never really want sex. But there was one time where it’s been different: when I was using XTC. After the pill hit me I knew exactly what I wanted in terms of sex and I even showed that to my friend. I know it’s not the right way: using drugs regularly for sex, but I long for that feeling again.
Can you tell me how I can experiment with GHB and/or XTC? And whether this can help me with the inhibitions which I have and/or the control-issues that I can not let go?”
Sincerely, E.
Answer: Continue reading “About Sex and GHB and XTC … and about dependency perhabs?”
This is actually a question that was part of a conversation…. But the answer to this question seems more interesting than the (rhetorical) question in itself…
Question: if I talk with my sisters about my partner, that helps me to get the things of my chest, right?
Answer: “Yo”.. (or “Nes”… meaning Yes-or-No depending on the way you do it.
Yes, trying to press away emotions in your heart is probably not the best way to find emotional health.
But there is a big difference between “venting” and “gossip”. Continue reading “Venting or Gossiping: What’s the difference?”
There is a new kid on the block in the online kink world: FetBuzz.com
I find the layout pleasing to the eye and tho it needs a bit of a learning curve to look around, there is allready nice things to be seen.
I actually host a group there where you can find the answer to questions there:
So take a look around and meet me there 😉
If you’d like to contact me, go to the Contact-page
Continue reading “FetBuzz.com The new kid on the block”
Question:
Should we start with a monogamous relationship before we open our relationship or should we start poly?
-Ann-
There are 2 levels of answering to this question
# Answer 1 (theoretical):
All over all it does not make much difference.
Continue reading “Polyamory: do I start mono and open up or do I start poly?”
“Sex is one of life’s qualities if you do it right :-D”
Q: What makes coaching “Kink Aware Coaching”?
A: As a Kink Aware Professional you are sx positive and aware of the fact that sexuality comes in many forms and flavours. It’s not op to us to decide nabout things like “good” of “bad”. It might not even be the right question whether kinky sex CAN be either good or bad (I think not). It is not helpful to think about kink in good-or-bad terms.
As a coach you help people to lead a healthy and rich life with the ups and downs that belong to life. And as a Kink Aware Coach you won’t judge the woman that likes to beat up men for fun. You help her find men that like to be beaten up and find ways to fit this in the rest of her life. As a Kink Aware Professional (K.A.P.) you don’t start about the trauma’s of your youth if a man likes to be in a triad with other men or women. They could be found there, many people have traumalike memories (I would like to use the word Trauma for really traumatic evenst) but does that make kinky sex unhealthy? (again I think not) And if it’s important to talk about childhood it is not with the covert reason behind it to ‘cure’ that kink. You talk about the past as a KAP to help people understand why it might be difficult to live your kinks. A Kink Aware Relationship Coach doesn’t start relational problemseeking when three or four people choose for polyamorie or swinging. You help to make it work, to find ways to live it and be happy with the wonderful things and the problems that arise from it.
When speaking to a Kink Aware Coach you don’t have to talk about kink all the time. The thing is… you don’t have to be silent about it anymore!
Well, guys, let me be frank. If I see a rubber clad or leather cuffed girl I am getting all kind of urges. But the thing is: these ar MY urges. Sometimes on adult parties I hear from the ladies that they were groped outside the darkroom, that men were hissing behind her back instead of having the balls to go to a woman and stating clearly what they want and why and face the possibility of getting a “no” and take that.
The thing is: on adult parties the women dare to be sexy because it is safe to be sexy. Hey, it takes a lot of work and money to look that beautiful. Let’s appreciate that. Let’s honor that. Even if our fantasies might be about degrading sex and their fantasies are too: lets respect it and enjoy it in an atmosphere of safety!
And the men that are hissing remarks about their own fantasies instead of Continue reading “Hissing behind her back or expecting her to do the next step”
as an ‘old fart’ I’d like to teach the young bulls a lesson.
And you did read the lesson already:
Respects is sexy for women!
Let’s be very clear: We all like to watch women wearing skimpy clothes. We like hotpants when they show leg, we like miniskirts that are designed to be a belt…
Continue reading “Respect is sexy”
Question:
I sometimes see movies with tape on the mouth or bondage over the mouth and often first something is introduced in the mouth, usually certain garments 😉 But isn’t this a bit dangerous?
Answer:
Of course you need to be careful when you put something in someone’s mouth and of course you must keep an eye on the breath continually. And of course you’ll need to constantly stay closeby (you yourself or someone you trust with your life -literately-) in case something goes wrong. Continue reading “The risk of choking or swallowing your panties or briefs in bondage?”
Question:
It’s been more than two weeks since I have had sex and now I am literally going stir crazy. I can’t sleep and I can’t stop wanting sex really bad. I am out of town for work and I honestly want to be faithful to my boy. I have been masturbating, but it got to point that this doesn’t do too much for me anymore. I really feel like the walls are closing in on me.
Answer:
Continue reading “Am I a sex-addict?”
Question:
Now what is this “compersion” thing?
Answer:
Compersion (or “Frubble”) is a positive loving feeling you feel towards your partner (and perhaps even toward your partners partner) when you see or hear your partner enjoying things he/she does with someone else. It is more or less the opposite of jealousy (even tho you might sometimes feel jealousy and compersion at exactly the same time)
Compersion is enjoying giving the love by giving space.
Continue reading “Now what is that “compersion” thing in #Polyamory?”
Not a big issue but I hope this might be a sign that things “theu are a changing” ;-)that the ‘normal’ rules will start to be broken more often:
Catwoman is bi!
No, it’s not queerbait becase even the writer herself backs this up: Catwoman kisses a girl and wants more. That is a relief after kissing the Batman.
Meer info: DC Comics’ Catwoman is Officially Bisexual — Here’s Why That’s Important, Katie Schenkel
If you’d like to contact me, go to the Contact-page
If you’d like to react privately:
UNLEASHED fetish undergroundbrings you a dark night encounters and bizarre happening in a unique celebration which will open your new year in the most extravagant way. Join for an exclusive and wild New Year party full of kink, bubbles and sparkles at one of Amsterdam most beautiful venues Panama Nightclub Amsterdam.
Question:
“Red Flags” Wat zijn dat bij Kink?
Answer:
Een red flag in de kink-wereld is een term voor gedragingen of uitspraken van iemand die de omgeving alert zou mogen maken dat iemand mogelijk niet zo “onschuldig” is of dat zelfs een situatie potentieel gevaarlijk is: fysiek of emotioneel.
Voor alle duidelijkheid: de kink-scene is een positieve scene met voornamelijk aardige en open minded mensen. Maar juist de openmindedness van de BDSM-community maakt dat deze scene ook aantrekkelijk is voor mensen met soms serieuze of zelfs gevaarlijke problematiek.
Daarom wordt er in “de scene” ook wel gesproken over zogenaamde “Red Flags”.
Zie: Posts betreffende Red Flag op KinkindeRelatie.nl
If you’d like to contact me, go to the Contact-page
If you’d like to react privately:
Deur open 9:00 uur
Kosten 75,=
Kink Congres
Baarsjesweg 202
1057 HS Amsterdam
Question:
Ik heb wel eens gehoord dat je iemand met de zweep kan geven zodat ie minder depressief is?
Answer:
De Russische Sergei Speransky heeft een therapie ontwikkeld (2005) waarin pijn en waarschijnlijk endorfinen een rol spelen in de behandeling van depressie en bij verslavingen aan opiaten.
Continue reading “Zwepen tegen depressie en verslaving?”
Kinky parties have their own Rules. One important rule is “respect for the ladies” (for if they do not enjoy themselves and feel safe to show off, the whole party collapses in on itself.
So in America we did read about the gay avenger…
Wonder when he’s coming to Erope (or maybe he is?)
Do read here about
Continue reading “4 October in de KitKat club Berlijn – 20 jaar Wasteland”
Question:
Are they MAD, these kinky folks? Dancing in leather and rubber in the middle of the night. And fucking and beating each other and stuff…
Answer:
Well, actually: NO!
And that’s not just me saying that: a well performed scientific study shows it. And even better: the news is spreading. Read: even the huffingtonpost says so!
Continue reading “Are they MAD?!! (these kinky folks)”
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