But… What about love in BDSM?

BDSM

If we talk about a “triangle of love” in the BDSM-scene, most people think of a threesome, or of bondage-patterns over naked skin. Understandable but it kinda adds to the view that “those BDSM-kinda-people are not really capable of love” (Yes I know some relationship therapists still have this outdated view, even tho there is no scientific evidence to back that up… au contraire by the way!).
So I thought it a good idea to talk a bit about love in BDSM-relationships.

Credits to Rihanna: Disturbia

I want to have my own slavegirl… what are my rights?

BDSM

Question:

on Being a Dom(me)

Victor Cobo – a Mouth in a Glory hole-

Hi Hans,
I want a slavegirl who does what I say. How do I find a woman to submit to my every whim? And I want to give her to friends to fuck and shit.
But what if she does not want to what I want, what are my rights as a Dominant?
Answer:
Ooookay… First to be said: I have exactly the same fantasy. So no judgement here about your fantasies. And I do really hope that you’ll get to live your fantasies and I write this answer to help you get there.
But… there is a small thing that often stands between us and our fantasies and often that is a word that starts with an “r” (and ends with “eality”) 😉

Negotation or agreement (in BDSM or kink-play)

BDSM & Swinging

Question:

I hear about negotiation all the time. What should I negotiate and what should I get from these negotiations? And how do I prevent us from talking the fun to death?

Answer:
Personally, I am not too fond of the use of the word “negotiation” in relationships and (BDSM)play situations. It is very often promoted as the good thing to do before any play, it is the political correct thing to do… even though a lot of people don’t.

More about “sexual polarities”… (9 questions)

Consider your sexual polarities

Question:

I’ve talked about the sexual polarities before (see here*). People liked a little more explanation with this so: this time a post with a little bit more text for you to be able to get a better feel for the options in play.

Of course these are just very crude polarities, for every axis of BDSM has it’s own paradoxical aspects. I’d love to submit to you and be degraded by you but I’d totally want to be respected in doing so. I’d like to smack you and perhaps even see you cry because I really care for you and your masochism. I really want to be shackled and bound so that I won’t have any possibilities to withstand those evil sexual kicks of my partner and I am left really no other choice but enjoying them immensely 🙂

Bondage tips (The Tao of the Rope)

BDSM

Question:

Hans, I’d like to start with bondage… Could you give me a hand?
Answer:
Well… apart from giving a hand I’d better give you some safetytips and a series of youtu.be’s so you can start yourself and follow the leads Youtube gives to start surfing. I am not a ‘bondagemaster’ myself but I would like people to play safely so I can give you at least an idea and a direction to surf. And of course these leads are completely arbitrary and if you have tips for great additions: let me know.

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My personal bondage tips are (the Tao of the Rope):

What’s in my oh so Domly first Aid kit? (apart from chocolate)

Yes, I would advice anyone that is into a bit of heavier play to have a redcross (or lighter version) of first aid knowledge. No really, how hard is that and it could save lives.
Also you could (next to this lighthearted version) have a serious look at a home-family First Aid-kit

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Now what could ( I am not saying “should” ’cause I know your allergic reactions to that word) be in your private Kit?

Remember to embrace the FLUFF (an acronym when talking about sexual whishes)

General Sexuality

Question:

I am kinda afraid to talk to my lover about the kinky things I find hot. How do I start that conversation about my fetishes? Any ideas?

a question I got on FetBuzz*

Answer:
Embrace the F.L.U.F.F.!… And don’t even try to do this without blushing. It will be awkward and the golden rule in these situations is:

Embrace your awkwardness!

That is hard (believe me, I know!), but with practice comes virtue. And of course that doesn’t do you much good if you haven’t got that virtue yet… But dare to hope! Go for it! (your seventy year old self will hate you for not trying it!)
Remember: it might even be one of the most liberating things you ever did for yourself.

Ballbusting and Orgasm

BDSM

Question:

Eric la Servante (fetlife.com/users/5817088) writes in reaction to KinkAware.Info-Ballbusting:
Since my first contact with BDSM I like to serve Ladies who take pleasure to hurt my balls. This happens mostly by ballbusting. My first Lady (2005-2010) was cautious. She gave me ballbusting only as punishment. For my next Lady (2007-2010) and my current mistress (since 2014) ballbusting is a mix of humiliation/punishment/sadism.

Is the risk choking or swallowing your panties or briefs in bondage?

BDSM/Sex Tip

Question:
I sometimes see movies with tape on the mouth or bondage over the mouth and often first something is introduced in the mouth, usually certain garments 😉 But isn’t this a bit dangerous?

? Bob

Answer:
Of course you need to be careful when you put something in someone’s mouth and of course you must keep an eye on the breath continually. And of course you’ll need to constantly stay closeby (you yourself or someone you trust with your life -literately-) in case something goes wrong.

RACK of SSC? en wat is het verschil?

(Relationship) Shizzle

Question:
Als ik in advertenties rond kijk dan zie ik soms SSC en soms RACK. Ik weet wel wat de afkorting is maar ik weet niet wat het betekent.

harry

Answer: