The “BDSM is therapeutic”-discussion

BDSM/Kink Question: Do you think that bdsm can help through difficult emotional times in your life? How can it help me emotionally? Answer: Questions like this always spark the discussion “is BDSM therapeutic?” and “Could there be BDSM-therapy?” Even tho a lot of laymen would want to stand in the shadow of good old Freud,

Question: A real dominant doesn’t fuck on first dates, right?

BDSM/Dating Question: Some dude is messaging me about meeting me and wanting to get laid. I told him a real dominant doesn’t jump right into bed with someone first meet. Now he’s complaining it’s a bit of a train journey “just for a drink”. Is this in my head or am I right? Answer: oh…

The #MeToo and #BalanceTonCochon hashtags and what we can learn from kinky men

following the #MeToo hashtag Alyssa Milano’s #MeToo action shows how many women have experienced sexual transgressions in their life. And no, that’s not just a little whistling on the street. And no, that’s not innocent because that insecurity does things with a mind. If we dare to look, we’ll see that it is normal that more women have

An essay on Breast Safety

Sex (hard)/BDSM Question: S asks: I do like to be treated roughly during sex and my friend and I are really into BDSM. He likes to sometimes hit my breasts and I do enjoy that very much. But it sometimes worries me, Breasts are rather tender, aren’t they? Should I be worried? Answer: “Nos” or

The power of the submissive, the need of the Dom(me)

BDSM Question: Hans, how come that i can feel so strong after I have been submitting myself to my Dom? I don’t understand the dynamic between me, a victim of his Lust. So why do I feel strong instead of weak? What is my strength as a victim? Answer: ‘Victims’ actually have a lot of

A present for a bondage lover #NoMassacrePlease

BDSM Question: I would really like to buy a nice “safety knife” for the birthday of a friend who is crazy about bondage. You know to cut ropes if needed… Do you also have a tip for me what to look for? Answer: In my opinion, you really find beautiful knives with money in (expensive)

But… What about love in BDSM?

BDSM If we talk about a “triangle of love” in the BDSM-scene, most people think of a threesome, or of bondage-patterns over naked skin. Understandable but it kinda adds to the view that “those BDSM-kinda-people are not really capable of love” (Yes I know some relationship therapists still have this outdated view, even tho there

I want to have my own slavegirl… what are my rights?

BDSM Question: on Being a Dom(me) Hi Hans, I want a slavegirl who does what I say. How do I find a woman to submit to my every whim? And I want to give her to friends to fuck and shit. But what if she does not want to what I want, what are my

BDSM-relations: The cake model

Sexuality/BDSM/General/Fetish Question: Of course, as a Kink Aware Relationship Coach, you get questions about 24/7 BDSM relationships that turned sour. Answer: Let me try to give some answers (especially for beginners).

Negotation or agreement (in BDSM or kink-play)

BDSM & Swinging Question: I hear about negotiation all the time. What should I negotiate and what should I get from these negotiations? And how do I prevent us from talking the fun to death? Answer: Personally, I am not too fond of the use of the word “negotiation” in relationships and (BDSM)play situations. It