Relating and your Brainstem

Relating in Relationships (Post-Valentine Thoughts) If we understand our brain stem as an important function in our information processing, that helps to make wiser choices for our relationships. In the ‘polyvagal theory’, things are clearer to understand. If we truly understand our -lower, more animalistic- information-processing level, we can understand how we will see theContinue reading “Relating and your Brainstem”

Gadhā Armour Release

cultural appropriation I am an experienced Gadhā Release Therapist  The Gadhā Release Therapy (G.R.T.)Because of the energetic properties of the fingers, we can only find a superficial release by using the hand. So using the lingam is advised to produce a more deepened and profound repeated release of energy and a deeply experienced emotional release ofContinue reading “Gadhā Armour Release”

Monkeypox and Sexparties

Monkeypox and Sexparties update July’22 Monkeypox is a disease from a virus that isn’t really airborne but gets (most likely) spread by rubbing skin to skin, or by infected skin cells that still lay around somewhere after they were rubbed off the tiny scabs from former lesions. So if we meet our friends at Pride…Continue reading “Monkeypox and Sexparties”

“SEX unzipped” for you and your children

Netflix and Chill Answer:SEX: Unzipped is described as a ‘Comedy’. But I think it’s actually much more than that. As far as I am concerned this is Sex Education V3.0, given by the rap star Saweetie, assisted by several stand-ups who also dare to speak out about their sexuality and their sexual doubts… by aContinue reading ““SEX unzipped” for you and your children”

I can’t go to a Kinky Club with THIS body!!!

Fetish Question:Let’s be clear. For a lot of people, it is a really healing experience to go out to a kinky club or a fetish club for a night of debauchery and fun. Where people like you would have enjoyed your (MFX) ‘dad-bod’ tummy, your kind smile, your hands, your long skinny legs and yourContinue reading “I can’t go to a Kinky Club with THIS body!!!”

Kinky Talks: The Psychology of kinks

Sexuality/BDSM/Fetish Question: What does psychotherapy have to do with BDSM? We aren’t sick right? Answer: Right! Still I think it was really really interesting to listen to Karina Kehlet Lins, an international clinical psychologist, systemic psychotherapist, sex therapist, university lecturer and author of several books. Karina gave a presentation in our 25th Kinky Talk thatContinue reading “Kinky Talks: The Psychology of kinks”

Letting my fetishist partner experiment if I won’t join the fetish action anymore?

Sexuality/Fetish Question:Do I have to let my fetishist partner experiment if I won’t join the fetish action anymore? Will I otherwise lose him to kink/fetish secrets? How do I know how strong it is in him? Is the urge stronger than love?Answer:That is debatable… a debate that should be held, I guess… For only timeContinue reading “Letting my fetishist partner experiment if I won’t join the fetish action anymore?”

Negotation or agreement? (in BDSM or swinging)

Sexuality/BDSM Question:I hear about negotiation all the time. What should I negotiate and what should I get from these negotiations? And how do I prevent us from talking fun to death?Answer:Personally, I am not too fond of the use of the word “negotiation” in relationships and (BDSM)play situations. It is very often promoted as theContinue reading “Negotation or agreement? (in BDSM or swinging)”

What goes wrong in Chemsex treatments? -02-

Sexuality/Drugs Let’s talk about the ‘botttom’-aspects of “chemsex” problems? About our ideas of what should be possible and our self image.Let’s have a bit of a look at porn. And how to enjoy it better.

Relationship drama due to Gottman’s “Four Horsemen”

General Question:Hans, I heard about the four horsemen in relationships… What is that? Answer:Dr. John Gottman’s “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” are 4 ways of interacting between partners that cause a lot of relationship drama if this happens regularly. They are: Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling.While most relationships will have some of these, healthyContinue reading “Relationship drama due to Gottman’s “Four Horsemen””

How Do I Find a Dominant Partner (in a Good Way)?

BDSM Question: “Hans, I am a hetero guy, aware of my submissive BDSM-feelings. What would be the best way to find a nice play-partner who has dominant feelings? I do encounter people online -and before corona, I went to a club once-, but I never took the step to ask a Domme/Mistress if she wouldContinue reading “How Do I Find a Dominant Partner (in a Good Way)?”

BDSM/Fetish – infatuation

BDSM/Fetish Question: My partner opened our relationship to give me room to explore my BDSM-feelings. And I have met my D-type last month and now I am seriously doubting wether to continue my vanilla relationship? Answer: Being ‘in looove‘ is a wonderful feeling. It is a strong feeling, not to be messed with, and itContinue reading “BDSM/Fetish – infatuation”

Chemsex: addiction & dependence

Sexuality Question: I hear you help people that are having problems with chemsex? Could you say more about that, please? Answer: Sure! have talked about the subject before on our ‘Kinky Talks’ (English) that I do with our fab Adalberto. We’ve talked about it in our ‘Tabootalks’ (Dutch). And I’ll talk about it on SundayContinue reading “Chemsex: addiction & dependence”

HEUTE (an art project with a cause)

Sexuality/BDSM/Fetish HEUTE enters the world disguised as PORNO STORE, a faux multimedia sex shop located in imaginary cyberspace. PORNO STORE exists only to start conversations about sex and sex workers in mind-opening ways. PORNO STORE delves into the cyber-reality of sex working in times of Covid-19, SESTA, and FOSTA while opening discussions on how to protectContinue reading “HEUTE (an art project with a cause)”

Having difficult conversations… (incl. the 5% rule)

(Relationship) conversations Having difficult talks with a positive outcome… Not an easy feature.I often give the following list to people who have to have difficult conversations in a relationship under pressure (a love relationship, a working relationship, a friendship relationship or a therapy relationship).This list is therefore also useful for coaches / therapists (not onlyContinue reading “Having difficult conversations… (incl. the 5% rule)”

Female sex and the duality within BDSM

Sexuality/BDSM Why BDSM?In a society where on the one hand we try to sell everything with sex and on the other hand, we try to deny our sexuality, especially the female sexuality, it is not really surprising that reading material such as “fifty shades” gets so popular so suddenly. Materialism (real Dominants have their ownContinue reading “Female sex and the duality within BDSM”

A post about Sub frenzy that is appreciated best afterward

BDSM Question: What do those beginning subbies think when they enter the scene and deliver themselves hands tied, with health and heart and soul to this Dom(me) they really know nothing about. Answer: Actually, they don’t… Subfrenzy is sooo sexy. It is so cute to look at and it’s so devastating, sometimes. Subfrenzy is theContinue reading “A post about Sub frenzy that is appreciated best afterward”

Healing aspects in BDSM

Sexuality/BDSM/Kink Question: Lately, I am on the interested in healing elements in BDSM. So I am interested in (online) conversations with people that are into BDSM and also have diagnoses like (C)PTSD, depression, autism, AD(H)D etc.etc. (No, I am not interested in the dirty details, NO, I don’t think that ‘BDSM-therapy’ is a good thing.Continue reading “Healing aspects in BDSM”

The “BDSM is therapeutic”-discussion

BDSM/Kink Question: Do you think that bdsm can help through difficult emotional times in your life? How can it help me emotionally? Answer: Questions like this always spark the discussion “is BDSM therapeutic?” and “Could there be BDSM-therapy?” Even tho a lot of laymen would want to stand in the shadow of good old Freud,Continue reading “The “BDSM is therapeutic”-discussion”

Question: A real dominant doesn’t fuck on first dates, right?

BDSM/Dating Question: Some dude is messaging me about meeting me and wanting to get laid. I told him a real dominant doesn’t jump right into bed with someone first meet. Now he’s complaining it’s a bit of a train journey “just for a drink”. Is this in my head or am I right? Answer: oh…Continue reading “Question: A real dominant doesn’t fuck on first dates, right?”

How to get your Self out of the Binge-and-Purge Cycle?

General Question: How can I get myself out of this binging purging cycle where I indulge in my fetish and have a blast. But during my purging, I really reject this side of my personality and throw away all of my gear. How can I prevent the purges or the binging? Answer: Binging and PurgingContinue reading “How to get your Self out of the Binge-and-Purge Cycle?”

Why? (am i Kinky)

Sexuality Question: Why am I a kinkster? Why have I developed this kink?Why do I like ageplay, do I like to be hit, do like to hit?.. What happened in my life that I love more than one, that I love latex, leather, diapers, different sex? Answer: It is a question often posed by kinkster –Continue reading “Why? (am i Kinky)”