A post about Sub frenzy that is appreciated best afterward

BDSM

Question:

What do those beginning subbies think when they enter the scene and deliver themselves hands tied, with health and heart and soul to this Dom(me) they really know nothing about.

Answer:
Actually, they don’t…
Subfrenzy is sooo sexy. It is so cute to look at and it’s so devastating, sometimes.
Subfrenzy is the frenzy on which new subbies dive into the hands of un-checked men and women, dive headfirst into the experience of sex with BDSM and want to check off everything that can be done in BDSM in a month (which does make a really busy month -without much processing time-)
Continue reading A post about Sub frenzy that is appreciated best afterward

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Healing aspects in BDSM

Sexuality/BDSM/Kink

Question:

Lately, I am on the interested in healing elements in BDSM. So I am interested in (online) conversations with people that are into BDSM and also have diagnoses like (C)PTSD, depression, autism, AD(H)D etc.etc.
(No, I am not interested in the dirty details, NO, I don’t think that BDSM-therapy is a good thing. YES I do think BDSM can be healing and I’d like to show professionals the ways in which it could be healing)
No, I am not that interested in “meanings” and “I think that’s”, I’d like to hear from people who experienced the reality of things, how did it work out in your life? What worked? What did
not work?

Could I interest you into thinking about the ways that BDSM can be healing -if you do it right with the right partners-.
(and if you have diagnoses like these and you think that BDSM has nothing to do with it… please let me know too).

So, feel free read this and add your own experience to this. Mind you, this is an early start, a discussion-starter rather than a “fixed & fertig” line of reasoning. So it has a messy layout and it is just meant to get you thinking (and reacting)

I do think that as a therapist/coach we could sometimes refer more to things that happen in sex and the things they experience in their scenes people play at home, or at parties.

But then we need to think about those healing factors in BDSM/Kink beforehand as to create the most healing life-experiences. Possibilities a kinkster maybe could have that most vanillas won’t have.

Continue reading Healing aspects in BDSM

The “BDSM is therapeutic”-discussion

BDSM/Kink

Question:


Do you think that bdsm can help through difficult emotional times in your life? How can it help me emotionally?
Answer:
Questions like this always spark the discussion “is BDSM therapeutic?” and “Could there be BDSM-therapy?”
Even tho a lot of laymen would want to stand in the shadow of good old Freud, my answer is always rather pragmatic
Continue reading The “BDSM is therapeutic”-discussion

Question: A real dominant doesn’t fuck on first dates, right?

BDSM/Dating

Question:
Some dude is messaging me about meeting me and wanting to get laid. I told him a real dominant doesn’t jump right into bed with someone first meet. Now he’s complaining it’s a bit of a train journey “just for a drink”. Is this in my head or am I right?
Answer:
oh… first… I really do think your “a real dominant does… (or does not)” is a bit of a misconception. Continue reading Question: A real dominant doesn’t fuck on first dates, right?

How to get your Self out of the Binge-and-Purge Cycle?

General

http://sarahhaney.comQuestion:
How can I get myself out of this binging purging cycle where I indulge in my fetish and have a blast. But during my purging, I really reject this side of my personality and throw away all of my gear. How can I prevent the purges or the binging?

Answer:
Binging and Purging a nasty cycle that seems to continue forever (and often downhill). There is a lot of writing about this in bulimia nervosa-literature but you also can notice this cycle in drug-dependence and -addiction and I also have often seen it in the lives of people trying to integrate kink into their life.
Continue reading How to get your Self out of the Binge-and-Purge Cycle?

Why? (am i Kinky)

Sexuality

Question:
Why am I a kinkster? Why have I developed this kink?Why do I like ageplay, do I like to be hit, do like to hit?.. What happened in my life that I love more than one, that I love latex, leather, diapers, different sex?
Answer:
It is a question often posed by kinkster – especially in the beginning of their self-acceptance).
Continue reading Why? (am i Kinky)

The #MeToo and #BalanceTonCochon hashtags and what we can learn from kinky men

following the #MeToo hashtag
Alyssa Milano
Alyssa Milano

Alyssa Milano’s #MeToo action shows how many women have experienced sexual transgressions in their life. And no, that’s not just a little whistling on the street. And no, that’s not innocent because that insecurity does things with a mind.
If we dare to look, we’ll see that it is normal that more women have experienced this than not … what does that mean to the women with which we live together? What does it mean for their courage to be sexually daring in this society? Their freedom to enjoy sex…And what does this all mean to us as men? What can we learn from the men who embraced kinky sex?
Continue reading The #MeToo and #BalanceTonCochon hashtags and what we can learn from kinky men

11/10 – a closet is no place to live!

General

Out of the Closet?

Getting out of the closet requires courage… every time again
Not rarely, people, with or without a relationship, have trouble finding out their “other than usual sexuality.” And to me, that seems only logical in a society that is so closed-minded to its own sexuality that everything different is immediately being condemned.
I help people find their own level of opening up. Continue reading 11/10 – a closet is no place to live!

The power of the submissive, the need of the Dom(me)

BDSM

Question:

Hans, how come that i can feel so strong after I have been submitting myself to my Dom? I don’t understand the dynamic between me, a victim of his Lust. So why do I feel strong instead of weak? What is my strength as a victim?
Answer:
‘Victims’ actually have a lot of power. Just watch the TV. Nowadays the ‘victim’ actually has a lot of power in the media. A lot of discussions on fetlife are about people who got victimised in a BDSM-relationship. And that raises shit-storms, sometimes without knowing what really happened. It happens, for shure (and don’t let that happen to you). And Dom(me)s get abused too, or depleted of energy. And often the one presenting like a victim gets the most attention… Often correct… sometimes it’s just the power of a victim.
Continue reading The power of the submissive, the need of the Dom(me)

I want to have my own slavegirl… what are my rights?

Victor Cobo - a Mouth in a Glory hole-

BDSM

Question:

on Being a Dom(me)

Victor Cobo - a Mouth in a Glory hole-
Victor Cobo – a Mouth in a Glory hole-

Hi Hans,
I want a slavegirl who does what I say. How do I find a woman to submit to my every whim? And I want to give her to friends to fuck and shit.
But what if she does not want to what I want, what are my rights as a Dominant?
Answer:
Ooookay… First to be said: I have exactly the same fantasy. So no judgement here about your fantasies. And I do really hope that you’ll get to live your fantasies and I write this answer to help you get there.
But… there is a small thing that often stands between us and our fantasies and often that is a word that starts with an “r” (and ends with “eality”) 😉
Continue reading I want to have my own slavegirl… what are my rights?