Do you think that bdsm can help through difficult emotional times in your life? How can it help me emotionally? Answer:
Questions like this always spark the discussion “is BDSM therapeutic?” and “Could there be BDSM-therapy?”
Even tho a lot of laymen would want to stand in the shadow of good old Freud, my answer is always rather pragmatic Continue reading The “BDSM is therapeutic”-discussion
Question: Some dude is messaging me about meeting me and wanting to get laid. I told him a real dominant doesn’t jump right into bed with someone first meet. Now he’s complaining it’s a bit of a train journey “just for a drink”. Is this in my head or am I right? Answer:
oh… first… I really do think your “a real dominant does… (or does not)” is a bit of a misconception. Continue reading Question: A real dominant doesn’t fuck on first dates, right?
How can I get myself out of this binging purging cycle where I indulge in my fetish and have a blast. But during my purging, I really reject this side of my personality and throw away all of my gear. How can I prevent the purges or the binging?
Binging and Purging a nasty cycle that seems to continue forever (and often downhill). There is a lot of writing about this in bulimia nervosa-literature but you also can notice this cycle in drug-dependence and -addiction and I also have often seen it in the lives of people trying to integrate kink into their life. Continue reading How to get your Self out of the Binge-and-Purge Cycle?
Why am I a kinkster? Why have I developed this kink?Why do I like ageplay, do I like to be hit, do like to hit?.. What happened in my life that I love more than one, that I love latex, leather, diapers, different sex? Answer:
It is a question often posed by kinkster – especially in the beginning of their self-acceptance). Continue reading Why? (am i Kinky)
Alyssa Milano’s #MeToo action shows how many women have experienced sexual transgressions in their life. And no, that’s not just a little whistling on the street. And no, that’s not innocent because that insecurity does things with a mind.
If we dare to look, we’ll see that it is normal that more women have experienced this than not … what does that mean to the women with which we live together? What does it mean for their courage to be sexually daring in this society? Their freedom to enjoy sex…And what does this all mean to us as men? What can we learn from the men who embraced kinky sex? Continue reading The #MeToo and #BalanceTonCochon hashtags and what we can learn from kinky men
Getting out of the closet requires courage… every time again
Not rarely, people, with or without a relationship, have trouble finding out their “other than usual sexuality.” And to me, that seems only logical in a society that is so closed-minded to its own sexuality that everything different is immediately being condemned.
I help people find their own level of opening up. Continue reading 11/10 – a closet is no place to live!
Hans, how come that i can feel so strong after I have been submitting myself to my Dom? I don’t understand the dynamic between me, a victim of his Lust. So why do I feel strong instead of weak? What is my strength as a victim? Answer:
‘Victims’ actually have a lot of power. Just watch the TV. Nowadays the ‘victim’ actually has a lot of power in the media. A lot of discussions on fetlife are about people who got victimised in a BDSM-relationship. And that raises shit-storms, sometimes without knowing what really happened. It happens, for shure (and don’t let that happen to you). And Dom(me)s get abused too, or depleted of energy. And often the one presenting like a victim gets the most attention… Often correct… sometimes it’s just the power of a victim. Continue reading The power of the submissive, the need of the Dom(me)
I want a slavegirl who does what I say. How do I find a woman to submit to my every whim? And I want to give her to friends to fuck and shit.
But what if she does not want to what I want, what are my rights as a Dominant? Answer:
Ooookay… First to be said: I have exactly the same fantasy. So no judgement here about your fantasies. And I do really hope that you’ll get to live your fantasies and I write this answer to help you get there.
But… there is a small thing that often stands between us and our fantasies and often that is a word that starts with an “r” (and ends with “eality”) 😉 Continue reading I want to have my own slavegirl… what are my rights?
I’ve talked about the sexual polarities before (see here*). People liked a little more explanation with this so: this time a post with a little bit more text for you to be able to get a better feel for the options in play.
Of course these are just very crude polarities, for every axis of BDSM has it’s own paradoxical aspects. I’d love to submit to you and be degraded by you but I’d totally want to be respected in doing so. I’d like to smack you and perhaps even see you cry because I really care for you and your masochism. I really want to be shackled and bound so that I won’t have any possibilities to withstand those evil sexual kicks of my partner and I am left really no other choice but enjoying them immensely 🙂 Continue reading More about “sexual polarities”… (9 questions)
I’d like to understand the kicks of my partner… / I’d like to come out of the closet to my partner… / I’d like to converse about my kicks…
…but I don’t know where to start. Answer:
If you see certain aspects of sexuality in their polarity you could use that as a good start for conversations such as the ones mentioned in the ‘question’. Continue reading Sexual polarities to understand the Kinks of your relationship