Kinky Talks: The Psychology of kinks

Sexuality/BDSM/Fetish Question: What does psychotherapy have to do with BDSM? We aren’t sick right? Answer: Right! Still I think it was really really interesting to listen to Karina Kehlet Lins, an international clinical psychologist, systemic psychotherapist, sex therapist, university lecturer and author of several books. Karina gave a presentation in our 25th Kinky Talk that

Negotation or agreement? (in BDSM or swinging)

Sexuality/BDSM Question:I hear about negotiation all the time. What should I negotiate and what should I get from these negotiations? And how do I prevent us from talking fun to death?Answer:Personally, I am not too fond of the use of the word “negotiation” in relationships and (BDSM)play situations. It is very often promoted as the

BDSM/Fetish – infatuation

BDSM/Fetish Question: My partner opened our relationship to give me room to explore my BDSM-feelings. And I have met my D-type last month and now I am seriously doubting wether to continue my vanilla relationship? Answer: Being ‘in looove‘ is a wonderful feeling. It is a strong feeling, not to be messed with, and it

Female sex and the duality within BDSM

Sexuality/BDSM Why BDSM?In a society where on the one hand we try to sell everything with sex and on the other hand, we try to deny our sexuality, especially the female sexuality, it is not really surprising that reading material such as “fifty shades” gets so popular so suddenly. Materialism (real Dominants have their own

The power of the submissive, the need of the Dom(me)

BDSM Question: Hans, how come that i can feel so strong after I have been submitting myself to my Dom? I don’t understand the dynamic between me, a victim of his Lust. So why do I feel strong instead of weak? What is my strength as a victim? Answer: ‘Victims’ actually have a lot of

the Narcisistic fracture of ‘Domlyhood’ (a good thing)

the feelings of Dom(me)s: the Narcisistic fracture of my Domlyhood Us Dom(me)s… especially the male ones amybe, we don’t really like to talk much about feelings. Especially our own feelings are often a bit ‘off limit’ for others to adres during play. We act, we demand, we look stern and maybe approve but mostly we

But… What about love in BDSM?

BDSM If we talk about a “triangle of love” in the BDSM-scene, most people think of a threesome, or of bondage-patterns over naked skin. Understandable but it kinda adds to the view that “those BDSM-kinda-people are not really capable of love” (Yes I know some relationship therapists still have this outdated view, even tho there

I want to have my own slavegirl… what are my rights?

BDSM Question: on Being a Dom(me) Hi Hans, I want a slavegirl who does what I say. How do I find a woman to submit to my every whim? And I want to give her to friends to fuck and shit. But what if she does not want to what I want, what are my

BDSM-relations: The cake model

Sexuality/BDSM/General/Fetish Question: Of course, as a Kink Aware Relationship Coach, you get questions about 24/7 BDSM relationships that turned sour. Answer: Let me try to give some answers (especially for beginners).