I can’t go to a Kinky Club with THIS body!!!

Fetish Question:Let’s be clear. For a lot of people, it is a really healing experience to go out to a kinky club or a fetish club for a night of debauchery and fun. Where people like you would have enjoyed your (MFX) ‘dad-bod’ tummy, your kind smile, your hands, your long skinny legs and yourContinue reading “I can’t go to a Kinky Club with THIS body!!!”

Kinky Talks: The Psychology of kinks

Sexuality/BDSM/Fetish Question: What does psychotherapy have to do with BDSM? We aren’t sick right? Answer: Right! Still I think it was really really interesting to listen to Karina Kehlet Lins, an international clinical psychologist, systemic psychotherapist, sex therapist, university lecturer and author of several books. Karina gave a presentation in our 25th Kinky Talk thatContinue reading “Kinky Talks: The Psychology of kinks”

Letting my fetishist partner experiment if I won’t join the fetish action anymore?

Sexuality/Fetish Question:Do I have to let my fetishist partner experiment if I won’t join the fetish action anymore? Will I otherwise lose him to kink/fetish secrets? How do I know how strong it is in him? Is the urge stronger than love?Answer:That is debatable… a debate that should be held, I guess… For only timeContinue reading “Letting my fetishist partner experiment if I won’t join the fetish action anymore?”

Negotation or agreement? (in BDSM or swinging)

Sexuality/BDSM Question:I hear about negotiation all the time. What should I negotiate and what should I get from these negotiations? And how do I prevent us from talking fun to death?Answer:Personally, I am not too fond of the use of the word “negotiation” in relationships and (BDSM)play situations. It is very often promoted as theContinue reading “Negotation or agreement? (in BDSM or swinging)”

What goes wrong in Chemsex treatments? -02-

Sexuality/Drugs Let’s talk about the ‘botttom’-aspects of “chemsex” problems? About our ideas of what should be possible and our self image.Let’s have a bit of a look at porn. And how to enjoy it better.

Relationship drama due to Gottman’s “Four Horsemen”

General Question:Hans, I heard about the four horsemen in relationships… What is that? Answer:Dr. John Gottman’s “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” are 4 ways of interacting between partners that cause a lot of relationship drama if this happens regularly. They are: Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling.While most relationships will have some of these, healthyContinue reading “Relationship drama due to Gottman’s “Four Horsemen””

How Do I Find a Dominant Partner (in a Good Way)?

BDSM Question: “Hans, I am a hetero guy, aware of my submissive BDSM-feelings. What would be the best way to find a nice play-partner who has dominant feelings? I do encounter people online -and before corona, I went to a club once-, but I never took the step to ask a Domme/Mistress if she wouldContinue reading “How Do I Find a Dominant Partner (in a Good Way)?”

BDSM/Fetish – infatuation

BDSM/Fetish Question: My partner opened our relationship to give me room to explore my BDSM-feelings. And I have met my D-type last month and now I am seriously doubting wether to continue my vanilla relationship? Answer: Being ‘in looove‘ is a wonderful feeling. It is a strong feeling, not to be messed with, and itContinue reading “BDSM/Fetish – infatuation”