Negotation or agreement? (in BDSM or swinging)

Sexuality/BDSM Question:I hear about negotiation all the time. What should I negotiate and what should I get from these negotiations? And how do I prevent us from talking fun to death?Answer:Personally, I am not too fond of the use of the word “negotiation” in relationships and (BDSM)play situations. It is very often promoted as theContinue reading “Negotation or agreement? (in BDSM or swinging)”

What goes wrong in Chemsex treatments? -02-

Sexuality/Drugs Let’s talk about the ‘botttom’-aspects of “chemsex” problems? About our ideas of what should be possible and our self image.Let’s have a bit of a look at porn. And how to enjoy it better.

BDSM/Fetish – infatuation

BDSM/Fetish Question: My partner opened our relationship to give me room to explore my BDSM-feelings. And I have met my D-type last month and now I am seriously doubting wether to continue my vanilla relationship? Answer: Being ‘in looove‘ is a wonderful feeling. It is a strong feeling, not to be messed with, and itContinue reading “BDSM/Fetish – infatuation”

Chemsex: addiction & dependence

Sexuality Question: I hear you help people that are having problems with chemsex? Could you say more about that, please? Answer: Sure! have talked about the subject before on our ‘Kinky Talks’ (English) that I do with our fab Adalberto. We’ve talked about it in our ‘Tabootalks’ (Dutch). And I’ll talk about it on SundayContinue reading “Chemsex: addiction & dependence”

HEUTE (an art project with a cause)

Sexuality/BDSM/Fetish HEUTE enters the world disguised as PORNO STORE, a faux multimedia sex shop located in imaginary cyberspace. PORNO STORE exists only to start conversations about sex and sex workers in mind-opening ways. PORNO STORE delves into the cyber-reality of sex working in times of Covid-19, SESTA, and FOSTA while opening discussions on how to protectContinue reading “HEUTE (an art project with a cause)”

Having difficult conversations… (incl. the 5% rule)

(Relationship) conversations Having difficult talks with a positive outcome… Not an easy feature.I often give the following list to people who have to have difficult conversations in a relationship under pressure (a love relationship, a working relationship, a friendship relationship or a therapy relationship).This list is therefore also useful for coaches / therapists (not onlyContinue reading “Having difficult conversations… (incl. the 5% rule)”

Question: A real dominant doesn’t fuck on first dates, right?

BDSM/Dating Question: Some dude is messaging me about meeting me and wanting to get laid. I told him a real dominant doesn’t jump right into bed with someone first meet. Now he’s complaining it’s a bit of a train journey “just for a drink”. Is this in my head or am I right? Answer: oh…Continue reading “Question: A real dominant doesn’t fuck on first dates, right?”

How to get your Self out of the Binge-and-Purge Cycle?

General Question: How can I get myself out of this binging purging cycle where I indulge in my fetish and have a blast. But during my purging, I really reject this side of my personality and throw away all of my gear. How can I prevent the purges or the binging? Answer: Binging and PurgingContinue reading “How to get your Self out of the Binge-and-Purge Cycle?”

The #MeToo and #BalanceTonCochon hashtags and what we can learn from kinky men

following the #MeToo hashtag Alyssa Milano’s #MeToo action shows how many women have experienced sexual transgressions in their life. And no, that’s not just a little whistling on the street. And no, that’s not innocent because that insecurity does things with a mind. If we dare to look, we’ll see that it is normal that more women haveContinue reading “The #MeToo and #BalanceTonCochon hashtags and what we can learn from kinky men”