The Meantime Parties ’23-’24

Sometimes people ask me when the all-gender Meantime parties are. So here is the long-term plan(!). Of course, we reserve the right to be fickle. So no rights can be derived from this post 😀

Gadhā Armour Release

cultural appropriation I am an experienced Gadhā Release Therapist  The Gadhā Release Therapy (G.R.T.)Because of the energetic properties of the fingers, we can only find a superficial release by using the hand. So using the lingam is advised to produce a more deepened and profound repeated release of energy and a deeply experienced emotional release of

Kinky Talks: The Psychology of kinks

Sexuality/BDSM/Fetish Question: What does psychotherapy have to do with BDSM? We aren’t sick right? Answer: Right! Still I think it was really really interesting to listen to Karina Kehlet Lins, an international clinical psychologist, systemic psychotherapist, sex therapist, university lecturer and author of several books. Karina gave a presentation in our 25th Kinky Talk that

Negotation or agreement? (in BDSM or swinging)

Sexuality/BDSM Question:I hear about negotiation all the time. What should I negotiate and what should I get from these negotiations? And how do I prevent us from talking fun to death?Answer:Personally, I am not too fond of the use of the word “negotiation” in relationships and (BDSM)play situations. It is very often promoted as the

How Do I Find a Dominant Partner (in a Good Way)?

BDSM Question: “Hans, I am a hetero guy, aware of my submissive BDSM-feelings. What would be the best way to find a nice play-partner who has dominant feelings? I do encounter people online -and before corona, I went to a club once-, but I never took the step to ask a Domme/Mistress if she would

A rant about ‘breaking’ subs

BDSM Opinion:Just a small Rant about those domly Dom’s that state: “I will break you apart… And then rebuild you as I please”… Sounds nice but it is só stupid!Let me explain why:

Kink has always been political and has always had political consequences

Let me be clear: black lives matter to me. And there is no “but” following that statement. Being a white old fart myself, black lives matter to me and that is exactly why I am worried about the conversations I read on facebook where people from the “Black lives matter” movement are turning more and

Female sex and the duality within BDSM

Sexuality/BDSM Why BDSM?In a society where on the one hand we try to sell everything with sex and on the other hand, we try to deny our sexuality, especially the female sexuality, it is not really surprising that reading material such as “fifty shades” gets so popular so suddenly. Materialism (real Dominants have their own

A post about Sub frenzy that is appreciated best afterward

BDSM Question: What do those beginning subbies think when they enter the scene and deliver themselves hands tied, with health and heart and soul to this Dom(me) they really know nothing about. Answer: Actually, they don’t… Subfrenzy is sooo sexy. It is so cute to look at and it’s so devastating, sometimes. Subfrenzy is the

Healing aspects in BDSM

Sexuality/BDSM/Kink Question: Lately, I am on the interested in healing elements in BDSM. So I am interested in (online) conversations with people that are into BDSM and also have diagnoses like (C)PTSD, depression, autism, AD(H)D etc.etc. (No, I am not interested in the dirty details, NO, I don’t think that ‘BDSM-therapy’ is a good thing.

The “BDSM is therapeutic”-discussion

BDSM/Kink Question: Do you think that bdsm can help through difficult emotional times in your life? How can it help me emotionally? Answer: Questions like this always spark the discussion “is BDSM therapeutic?” and “Could there be BDSM-therapy?” Even tho a lot of laymen would want to stand in the shadow of good old Freud,

Question: A real dominant doesn’t fuck on first dates, right?

BDSM/Dating Question: Some dude is messaging me about meeting me and wanting to get laid. I told him a real dominant doesn’t jump right into bed with someone first meet. Now he’s complaining it’s a bit of a train journey “just for a drink”. Is this in my head or am I right? Answer: oh…

The #MeToo and #BalanceTonCochon hashtags and what we can learn from kinky men

following the #MeToo hashtag Alyssa Milano’s #MeToo action shows how many women have experienced sexual transgressions in their life. And no, that’s not just a little whistling on the street. And no, that’s not innocent because that insecurity does things with a mind. If we dare to look, we’ll see that it is normal that more women have

An essay on Breast Safety

Sex (hard)/BDSM Question: S asks: I do like to be treated roughly during sex and my friend and I are really into BDSM. He likes to sometimes hit my breasts and I do enjoy that very much. But it sometimes worries me, Breasts are rather tender, aren’t they? Should I be worried? Answer: “Nos” or

The power of the submissive, the need of the Dom(me)

BDSM Question: Hans, how come that i can feel so strong after I have been submitting myself to my Dom? I don’t understand the dynamic between me, a victim of his Lust. So why do I feel strong instead of weak? What is my strength as a victim? Answer: ‘Victims’ actually have a lot of

A present for a bondage lover #NoMassacrePlease

BDSM Question: I would really like to buy a nice “safety knife” for the birthday of a friend who is crazy about bondage. You know to cut ropes if needed… Do you also have a tip for me what to look for? Answer: In my opinion, you really find beautiful knives with money in (expensive)

But… What about love in BDSM?

BDSM If we talk about a “triangle of love” in the BDSM-scene, most people think of a threesome, or of bondage-patterns over naked skin. Understandable but it kinda adds to the view that “those BDSM-kinda-people are not really capable of love” (Yes I know some relationship therapists still have this outdated view, even tho there

I want to have my own slavegirl… what are my rights?

BDSM Question: on Being a Dom(me) Hi Hans, I want a slavegirl who does what I say. How do I find a woman to submit to my every whim? And I want to give her to friends to fuck and shit. But what if she does not want to what I want, what are my

BDSM-relations: The cake model

Sexuality/BDSM/General/Fetish Question: Of course, as a Kink Aware Relationship Coach, you get questions about 24/7 BDSM relationships that turned sour. Answer: Let me try to give some answers (especially for beginners).

Negotation or agreement (in BDSM or kink-play)

BDSM & Swinging Question: I hear about negotiation all the time. What should I negotiate and what should I get from these negotiations? And how do I prevent us from talking the fun to death? Answer: Personally, I am not too fond of the use of the word “negotiation” in relationships and (BDSM)play situations. It

More about “sexual polarities”… (9 questions)

Consider your sexual polarities Question: I’ve talked about the sexual polarities before (see here*). People liked a little more explanation with this so: this time a post with a little bit more text for you to be able to get a better feel for the options in play. Of course these are just very crude

Bondage tips (The Tao of the Rope)

BDSM Question: Hans, I’d like to start with bondage… Could you give me a hand? Answer: Well… apart from giving a hand I’d better give you some safetytips and a series of youtu.be’s so you can start yourself and follow the leads Youtube gives to start surfing. I am not a ‘bondagemaster’ myself but I

What’s in my oh so Domly first Aid kit? (apart from chocolate)

Yes, I would advice anyone that is into a bit of heavier play to have a redcross (or lighter version) of first aid knowledge. No really, how hard is that and it could save lives. Also you could (next to this lighthearted version) have a serious look at a home-family First Aid-kit Now what could

Remember to embrace the FLUFF (an acronym when talking about sexual whishes)

General Sexuality Question: I am kinda afraid to talk to my lover about the kinky things I find hot. How do I start that conversation about my fetishes? Any ideas? a question I got on FetBuzz* Answer: Embrace the F.L.U.F.F.!… And don’t even try to do this without blushing. It will be awkward and the

Ballbusting and Orgasm

BDSM Question: Eric la Servante (fetlife.com/users/5817088) writes in reaction to KinkAware.Info-Ballbusting: Since my first contact with BDSM I like to serve Ladies who take pleasure to hurt my balls. This happens mostly by ballbusting. My first Lady (2005-2010) was cautious. She gave me ballbusting only as punishment. For my next Lady (2007-2010) and my current