How Do I Find a Dominant Partner (in a Good Way)?

BDSM Question: “Hans, I am a hetero guy, aware of my submissive BDSM-feelings. What would be the best way to find a nice play-partner who has dominant feelings? I do encounter people online -and before corona, I went to a club once-, but I never took the step to ask a Domme/Mistress if she wouldContinue reading “How Do I Find a Dominant Partner (in a Good Way)?”

Kink has always been political and has always had political consequences

Let me be clear: black lives matter to me. And there is no “but” following that statement. Being a white old fart myself, black lives matter to me and that is exactly why I am worried about the conversations I read on facebook where people from the “Black lives matter” movement are turning more andContinue reading “Kink has always been political and has always had political consequences”

Female sex and the duality within BDSM

Sexuality/BDSM Why BDSM?In a society where on the one hand we try to sell everything with sex and on the other hand, we try to deny our sexuality, especially the female sexuality, it is not really surprising that reading material such as “fifty shades” gets so popular so suddenly. Materialism (real Dominants have their ownContinue reading “Female sex and the duality within BDSM”

A post about Sub frenzy that is appreciated best afterward

BDSM Question: What do those beginning subbies think when they enter the scene and deliver themselves hands tied, with health and heart and soul to this Dom(me) they really know nothing about. Answer: Actually, they don’t… Subfrenzy is sooo sexy. It is so cute to look at and it’s so devastating, sometimes. Subfrenzy is theContinue reading “A post about Sub frenzy that is appreciated best afterward”

Healing aspects in BDSM

Sexuality/BDSM/Kink Question: Lately, I am on the interested in healing elements in BDSM. So I am interested in (online) conversations with people that are into BDSM and also have diagnoses like (C)PTSD, depression, autism, AD(H)D etc.etc. (No, I am not interested in the dirty details, NO, I don’t think that ‘BDSM-therapy’ is a good thing.Continue reading “Healing aspects in BDSM”

The “BDSM is therapeutic”-discussion

BDSM/Kink Question: Do you think that bdsm can help through difficult emotional times in your life? How can it help me emotionally? Answer: Questions like this always spark the discussion “is BDSM therapeutic?” and “Could there be BDSM-therapy?” Even tho a lot of laymen would want to stand in the shadow of good old Freud,Continue reading “The “BDSM is therapeutic”-discussion”

Question: A real dominant doesn’t fuck on first dates, right?

BDSM/Dating Question: Some dude is messaging me about meeting me and wanting to get laid. I told him a real dominant doesn’t jump right into bed with someone first meet. Now he’s complaining it’s a bit of a train journey “just for a drink”. Is this in my head or am I right? Answer: oh…Continue reading “Question: A real dominant doesn’t fuck on first dates, right?”

The #MeToo and #BalanceTonCochon hashtags and what we can learn from kinky men

following the #MeToo hashtag Alyssa Milano’s #MeToo action shows how many women have experienced sexual transgressions in their life. And no, that’s not just a little whistling on the street. And no, that’s not innocent because that insecurity does things with a mind. If we dare to look, we’ll see that it is normal that more women haveContinue reading “The #MeToo and #BalanceTonCochon hashtags and what we can learn from kinky men”

An essay on Breast Safety

Sex (hard)/BDSM Question: S asks: I do like to be treated roughly during sex and my friend and I are really into BDSM. He likes to sometimes hit my breasts and I do enjoy that very much. But it sometimes worries me, Breasts are rather tender, aren’t they? Should I be worried? Answer: “Nos” orContinue reading “An essay on Breast Safety”