Kinky Talks: talking about HIV (not ‘just a gay thing’)

Sexuality Answer:It is important to talk about STDs and not think of HIV as ‘just a gay thing’. I do think that the information from Kinky Talk #27 is important for every kinkster, male and female alike. In this talk we had several HIV+ guests that talked openly and shared tips. Like: Know your status

Relationship drama due to Gottman’s “Four Horsemen”

General Question:Hans, I heard about the four horsemen in relationships… What is that? Answer:Dr. John Gottman’s “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” are 4 ways of interacting between partners that cause a lot of relationship drama if this happens regularly. They are: Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling.While most relationships will have some of these, healthy

BDSM/Fetish – infatuation

BDSM/Fetish Question: My partner opened our relationship to give me room to explore my BDSM-feelings. And I have met my D-type last month and now I am seriously doubting wether to continue my vanilla relationship? Answer: Being ‘in looove‘ is a wonderful feeling. It is a strong feeling, not to be messed with, and it

Kink has always been political and has always had political consequences

Let me be clear: black lives matter to me. And there is no “but” following that statement. Being a white old fart myself, black lives matter to me and that is exactly why I am worried about the conversations I read on facebook where people from the “Black lives matter” movement are turning more and

Having difficult conversations… (incl. the 5% rule)

(Relationship) conversations Having difficult talks with a positive outcome… Not an easy feature.I often give the following list to people who have to have difficult conversations in a relationship under pressure (a love relationship, a working relationship, a friendship relationship or a therapy relationship).This list is therefore also useful for coaches / therapists (not only

Relationships end because of… a lack in flexibility

General Question: Can polyamorous relationships last or does polyamory end relationships over time? Answer: The short answer sounds a bit depressing but please do read on, because it is actually really hopeful. The short answer is: Relationships don’t last! They just don’t. Monogamous relationships don’t. Polyamorous relationships don’t. please read on…

More about “sexual polarities”… (9 questions)

Consider your sexual polarities Question: I’ve talked about the sexual polarities before (see here*). People liked a little more explanation with this so: this time a post with a little bit more text for you to be able to get a better feel for the options in play. Of course these are just very crude

Remember to embrace the FLUFF (an acronym when talking about sexual whishes)

General Sexuality Question: I am kinda afraid to talk to my lover about the kinky things I find hot. How do I start that conversation about my fetishes? Any ideas? a question I got on FetBuzz* Answer: Embrace the F.L.U.F.F.!… And don’t even try to do this without blushing. It will be awkward and the

My boyfriend lets me date another… #panic!

Question: My boyfriend said that she was happy for me that I can experiment with my submissive feelings. We tried and he’s not into BDSM and we agreed that I am allowed to “find my master”… no limits… He says he is fine with that and I really really want to believe him, but it

Venting or Gossiping: What’s the difference?

Sexuality This is actually a question that was part of a conversation…. But the answer to this question seems more interesting than the (rhetorical) question in itself… Question: if I talk with my sisters about my partner, that helps me to get the things of my chest, right? Answer: “Yo”.. (or “Nes”… meaning Yes-or-No depending on the

Now what is that “compersion” thing in #Polyamory?

(Relationship) Shizzle Question: Now what is this “compersion” thing? Answer: Compersion (or “Frubble”) is a positive loving feeling you feel towards your partner (and perhaps even toward your partners partner) when you see or hear your partner enjoying things he/she does with someone else. It is more or less the opposite of jealousy (even tho

Are they MAD?!! (these kinky folks)

Sex Question: Are they MAD, these kinky folks? Dancing in leather and rubber in the middle of the night. And fucking and beating each other and stuff… Anonymous Answer: Well, actually: NO! And that’s not just me saying that: a well performed scientific study shows it. And even better: the news is spreading. Read: even