S asks: I do like to be treated roughly during sex and my friend and I are really into BDSM. He likes to sometimes hit my breasts and I do enjoy that very much. But it sometimes worries me, Breasts are rather tender, aren’t they?
Should I be worried? Answer: “Nos” or “Yo”… 😉 both yes and no… It is true that breasts are of relatively tender material. And you can certainly destroy tissues if you handle ’em to rough. That goes for buttocks, that goes for legs and shoulders and that also goes for breasts. And it seems that repeated pointy mini-trauma (underwires of bra’s that are too small poking in the side of your breast) and does a long duration of pressure creating tissue hypoxia (push-up bras) seem to tend to up the chances of tissue proliferation a little. On the other hand, if we take a closer look at the harsh things babies do, then breast seem to be made to take a pounding. Continue reading An essay on Breast Safety
Hans, how come that i can feel so strong after I have been submitting myself to my Dom? I don’t understand the dynamic between me, a victim of his Lust. So why do I feel strong instead of weak? What is my strength as a victim? Answer:
‘Victims’ actually have a lot of power. Just watch the TV. Nowadays the ‘victim’ actually has a lot of power in the media. A lot of discussions on fetlife are about people who got victimised in a BDSM-relationship. And that raises shit-storms, sometimes without knowing what really happened. It happens, for shure (and don’t let that happen to you). And Dom(me)s get abused too, or depleted of energy. And often the one presenting like a victim gets the most attention… Often correct… sometimes it’s just the power of a victim. Continue reading The power of the submissive, the need of the Dom(me)
I want a slavegirl who does what I say. How do I find a woman to submit to my every whim? And I want to give her to friends to fuck and shit.
But what if she does not want to what I want, what are my rights as a Dominant? Answer:
Ooookay… First to be said: I have exactly the same fantasy. So no judgement here about your fantasies. And I do really hope that you’ll get to live your fantasies and I write this answer to help you get there.
But… there is a small thing that often stands between us and our fantasies and often that is a word that starts with an “r” (and ends with “eality”) 😉 Continue reading I want to have my own slavegirl… what are my rights?
Hans, I’d like to start with bondage… Could you give me a hand? Answer:
Well… apart from giving a hand I’d better give you some safetytips and a series of youtu.be’s so you can start yourself and follow the leads Youtube gives to start surfing. I am not a ‘bondagemaster’ myself but I would like people to play safely so I can give you at least an idea and a direction to surf. And of course these leads are completely arbitrary and if you have tips for great additions: let me know.
I’d like to understand the kicks of my partner… / I’d like to come out of the closet to my partner… / I’d like to converse about my kicks…
…but I don’t know where to start. Answer:
If you see certain aspects of sexuality in their polarity you could use that as a good start for conversations such as the ones mentioned in the ‘question’. Continue reading Sexual polarities to understand the Kinks of your relationship
Yes, I would advice anyone that is into a bit of heavier play to have a redcross (or lighter version) of first aid knowledge. No really, how hard is that and it could save lives.
Also you could (next to this lighthearted version) have a serious look at a home-family First Aid-kit
I have a fetish for diapers and I don not mean to stop liking that stuff, what I experience as a problem is the urge to pleasure myself when I see or think about a diaper. I want my abdl life to be pure, like that of a child’s. Not masturbating fives times a day which leads me into self hate and depression. I want to have the cute cuddly stuff for regression values, not because it makes me feel horny. I start fantasize about my close friends that don’t even know that ABDLs exist. When I see them I remember what I fantasized about them which leads to uncomfortable feelings. Can you help me to stop being such a pervert? Continue reading You have any sex – addiction tips? #ABDL
Question: My boyfriend said that she was happy for me that I can experiment with my submissive feelings. We tried and he’s not into BDSM and we agreed that I am allowed to “find my master”… no limits… He says he is fine with that and I really really want to believe him, but it is almost unbelievable to me! Answer: Now that is what we call “Compersion” (a.k.a. “Frubble”) and it is a scary feeling if you haven’t experienced it much in your life. Compersive feelings are positive loving feelings one can feel towards a partner (and perhaps even toward the “partner’s partner”) Continue reading My boyfriend lets me date another… #panic!
Question: ” Dear Hans,
My problem is that I have difficulty letting go of my “inhibitions”. Because of this I’m hardly ever excited, I’ve never came and I almost never really want sex. But there was one time where it’s been different: when I was using XTC. After the pill hit me I knew exactly what I wanted in terms of sex and I even showed that to my friend. I know it’s not the right way: using drugs regularly for sex, but I long for that feeling again.
Can you tell me how I can experiment with GHB and/or XTC? And whether this can help me with the inhibitions which I have and/or the control-issues that I can not let go?”
Sincerely, E. Answer: Continue reading About Sex and GHB and XTC … and about dependency perhabs?